It is hard to believe that 100 days ago, my husband and I went into protective quarantine. Harder still to think back on the memories and milestones that we, and others, postponed, cancelled, or kept in a holding pattern for right now. It is so hard to reconcile that these truly are the best practices we have right now to flatten the curve and keep everyone safe. That being said, there are palpable losses during this time, even if the quarantines/social distancing/etc. are needed.
This year was going to be a big travel year for us as a newly married couple. We carefully
tetris-ed out our calendars and finances after several big setbacks. I recognize my privilege to be able to travel to these places on many levels and it is what many refer to as a "first-world problem." I see that and can tell you that having that kind of privilege does not preclude you from disappointments/sadness also. We had set up a trip as a deal through my old university to go to Niagara (I have never been there) for our first trip "just the two of us" since our honeymoon. It has been cancelled. We have friends, whose weddings are at the end of May and the end of June, who have postponed their "official" special day until next year. We aren't sure yet about our friends getting married this October yet. We planned two separate summer trips to head to the beach; the first was with Alex's (and now my) friends from college at the beginning of July, the second is to visit with Alex's extended family in Virginia Beach to celebrate family milestones and togetherness. We were looking forward to our big Christmas present: a trip around France and Germany with all of our parents. This will be the third time my plans to see Paris, France have been postponed.
The first time was on a study-abroad program in Ireland. I had budgeted two weeks of travel time for myself after we finished our lessons in Co. Meath, Trim, Ireland when a worker's strike made it a little more risky to travel. The second was on our honeymoon when our connecting flight was cancelled (no reason given) and we spent the first night of our honeymoon in North Carolina waiting for a plane to take us to a different location the next day. Now, I thought, now I will finally get to go to Paris, France and smell the bread baking, see the beautiful streets and architecture, and hold the hand of the man I love so much as we walk the beautiful countryside with our parents whom we also love so much..
It is a hard pill to swallow.
However, I think that the most important part for all of us who are working to support medical staff by staying at home, reducing exposure risk, and generally taking necessary precautions is to decide how we write this chapter in our life story.
Is it a climax that experts such as Bill Gates predicted, full of guilty fury?
Is it a curveball with a 3-2 count and you thought you were swinging for the fences, but the next pitch doesn't come?
Is it disappointment or death that knocks on your door and follows you around as new strategies are evolving every day to combat the infectivity and lethality of this virus?
Is it loving kindness, forgiveness for ourselves and others...maybe even making peace with the unknown?
Or maybe...is it seeing that spark of humanity lying dormant in all of us that has raised us up together, protecting one another and doing the best we can with the hand we were dealt?
That spark of human goodness sees and recognizes that spark in you.
We have decided that when the circumstances are safer, we are going to take that trip to Niagara, and now we will be able to select a more preferable time of year to go than our original plan. We are also planning to treat ourselves with some special experience while we were there by saving now. We have eternity for "just the two of us," so a trip celebrating that can wait--although I would like it in this life and not the next. The gift of knowing my husband and I are both as committed as ever and growing in love together is just so much more valuable.
I feel for my friends who have meticulously planned everything for their "big days" and are now needing to re-coordinate everything. It has been meaningful to help them think about additional add-ons and things that weren't going to be done in time, but now probably will. One of my friends and her fiance decided to take some private time on the day scheduled for their original wedding to read their vows and have a private moment to celebrate the beauty and durability of their love. How beautiful is that?
Although we rarely see our "NC guys" as we live further away, talking though the cancellation plans and everything else has led to many fun nights playing Jackbox or other fun games virtually and has helped ut to connect in ways we were not planning at all. It also made it possible to include friends who could not originally make it to the beach.
I cannot believe that we are unable to take our international trip, although all of the reasoning makes sense. I think what I really mean is that my heart is having a hard time believing it. I was so excited to be able to travel with the man I love, my best friend, my mom, the woman who inspires me every day, and my wonderful in-laws who are simply the most kind and generous people I have ever met. I know that we will reschedule, but it is still hard. I believe that it is a testament to how much we love our parents (and they love us!) that we were all so excited to go on this trip together. Even though my father is not here physically, I am so proud to be both his and my mom's daughter. My mom is one of the supermoms that parents and kids alike flock to over and over. My mother-in-law and father-in-law always go the extra mile-whether it is making gluten free banana bread for me and dropping it off on our porch just as a sweet "I love you reminder" or helping us navigate bigger life decisions (Don't worry, banana bread is still the top priority). I am just awestruck by how good our parents are to us and our siblings, and well, everyone. So...isn't that the real gift? I do look forward to rescheduling this trip and at the same time, I recognize that having the parents we do will always be the best gift of all.
So it has been a 100 days.
A time to reflect, to nurture, to go inward and connect with yourself before others.
Our first anniversary is just one month away. If there was ever going to be a "boss level" for the first year of marriage--it would be hard to beat this pandemic, the ensuing demand for justice for the black community, and global fallout, even as we are not allowed to leave our home to be with our local community.
But here's the things, guys. I'm going to just keep saying it because I honestly think it is the most important message for me right now:
People are good, people.
Prepare, don't panic.
-Allison
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