Well, it only took this first 150 days of quarantine, but we finally did it. We finally finished ONE of our many movie marathon ideas, concluding the Harry Potter saga. A perfect way to spend our last few days before Alex is fully "on the job" in his new school this year.
Despite being locked in for so long, it hasn't exactly felt like a "vacation." I know that everyone has missed out on so much this year, around the entire globe. I never truly thought that I would be a part of an event and have a greater than 50% chance of thinking about what some person my age is thinking about in any other country at the same time. In ways, immensely unifying, in others, incredibly sobering. We are grateful for so much. For example, all of our parents live within a twenty-minute drive from us. My husband's job is one of the "essential ones"--which is both a blessing and curse while waiting to find out how schooling will be working this year. With our parents help we have a roof over our heads, access to healthcare (albeit not paid for with tax dollars with health insurance resting on a job you might not be able to take for health reasons--tautological, much?), food and water. We have the essentials and then some, and we know it. We try our very best to use our position of privilege to keep acting in a way to make space for those who are going without to have a platform. And that isn't going anywhere, despite some messages I have gotten saying I am "beating a dead horse." First, wrong metaphor, on so many levels. And second: no.
Not until everyone is on an accessible playing field will we even pause for breath on issues that we have been speaking out about. If that isn't what you come here for, my friend, you are mercifully in the minority of the conversation on this platform, but please, please take a long, hard look in whatever mirror is closest. Look into your own eyes. Imagine those eyes looking back at you from the face of a child in Beirut, a single mom counting and re-counting the small amount of groceries in a socially distanced shopping cart, an artist who finally made it as an opener on tour and now has no paycheck headed his way for an indeterminable length of time, a black man walking his own street on the way back from a pharmacy and looking over his shoulder because he saw a cruiser a street back and doesn't know who will be driving up next to him.
People are good, people. Please. Please. Let's continue the conversations, choose to believe the good. And, by proxy, believe your fellow people.
Thank you for all of the supportive messages I have gotten on these issues before--your kind words are motivating to continue making a difference from this seemingly small corner of the world.
All of that said, no one is being treated "fairly" by this virus, this pandemic, this full-stop; no matter what walk of life you come from. For a long time, we felt like we were "not allowed" to feel as upset given our resources in life. Recently we have finally begun talking together about the sadnesses and disappointments we are experiencing as we try to sympathize with others' grief, we adjust and readjust our expectations daily with a steadying breath, and more than anything we miss the people we love in our life. We have been talking about the meaningful trips we missed out on...our first couples' trip was supposed to be a romantic getaway to Niagara Falls in April--we had prepped and planned a trip with a bunch of our friends from N. Carolina and a best friend of mine for a 4th of July trip to Tybee Island--there was a family reunion planned for Virginia Beach where I was so desperately looking forward to celebrating our first anniversary with all of Alex's mom's extended family...and we were gifted a trip to go with all three of our parents (I know Dad is along for the ride though) to France and Germany over the summer.
Two weddings have been rescheduled for friends who should never have had to scramble and who I was frankly really excited to celebrate with in May and June. My oldest friend (more than ten years of friendship) is still managing to be a kickass friend, step-parent, and fiance to her soon-to-be-bride as plans continue for a Colorado wedding in October. I am praying, hoping with every fiber in my body that this one at least I might have some shot of being able to attend. I am not sure how yet-but I am far from giving up. To top it all off, Alex and I won a trip back to Mexico after our trip last year when we participated in a "Perfect Couple" game show and won with my mom and brother in the audience (never have I been so focused to not be embarrassed-hah!) and if we have to cancel that as well I know I will just feel so incredibly sad.
The real truth of the matter though is that I think for us...we have had to adjust to one of my least tolerated phrases of a "new normal" more times than I can count. My whole life I have been used to adjusting and overcoming being diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes as a six year old, Hashimoto's disease as a 14-year old, not to mention mis-diagnoses such as Crohn's disease in high school. Celiac disease hit me hard in college, but not as hard as my traumatic brain injury that required four years of rehabilitation and switching schools (albeit to the best school on the planet, THE Ohio State University). Then there was getting out of bad relationships that led to anxiety, OCD, and/or PTSD depending on the mental health professional you talk to...then possible other autoimmune issues. Not sure we ever got a conclusive answer there.
But since I started dating Alex in 2016, I thought I had a handle on my immune system until I developed a severe fibromyalgia in response to the stress and harsh environment of my school "program."
In 2016, my gallbladder was surgically removed after a dear friend of mine (thank you John) took care of me in Columbus while doctors struggled to figure out what was wrong.
In 2017, my thyroid was surgically removed. People still ask me what I tried to do to my throat. Yeah. They do.
In 2018, my dad died. In the wise words of my closest confidant, "We can't unpack ALL of that..."
And then in 2019, my appendix was surgically removed. Ouch.
So, 2020, I see you have now gotten the whole world involved in needing to readjust due to medical and healthcare issues. You have our attention.
Believe me, personally the list goes on past that, but the point is that these events weren't just the day they happened. My partner has been there for me as we adjust, readjust, repeat.
So with this pandemic we are doing the best we can to that end, but sometimes, friends, we all just need to be allowed to cry and release those feelings of what we have lost--in a moment, a procedure, a person, or 150 days locked inside your house trying to barricade against fear.
The truth is, we need books and movies like Harry Potter because the real marathon lies far outside the realm of fiction. This life, our precious life, that's the marathon. And we are still running.
Prepare, don't panic.
-Allison
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