Day 93: Three Months of Quarantine

Time has never felt like more of a construct than it does right now. It is as if we are simultaneously slogging our way forward through social-distancing and quarantine, and yet time is whooshing past us like wind on a rollercoaster ride.

I would believe that it is March 375th, 2020...or June 11, 2020. Both sound equally feasible.

That being said, there are a lot of feelings as we end this third month of lockdown in my house (though much of our state has opened up past what my doctors are asking me to do right now) that are difficult to contend with daily.

I feel really guilty for being sad that so many of our plans for our first year of marriage have been altered by the course of this virus. Much of it is travel-related. We have so far needed to cancel an international trip with my in-laws and mom that we were looking forward to every day since they told us we would be going at Christmas. We would have been on that trip right now. We cancelled our first "couples' getaway" to Niagara in April. We will also not be able to travel for a "beach week" vacation with friends next month. Two wedding dates have already been rescheduled-one was supposed to be in May and the other in June, and I feel so much for the couples, as well their families. It remains to be seen whether we will be able to travel to some other events later this year.

It is also just frustrating to try and start a new routine, a new marriage, and have many of your "firsts" be dictated by best safety practices. Also, I may just be feeling a wee bit stir-crazy with all of the extra precautions that have been placed on me (and therefore my husband too) so we miss seeing our family tremendously.

However, taking a step back, I feel so overwhelmed by gratitude. We are living in a place where people are slowly "learning to live" with this virus. Weddings have been rescheduled with grace and care for others' safety. Trips are not truly cancelled, but postponed and can be something I look forward to as a celebration when the world feels more stable. And just because a "first" looked different than we expected does not mean it is any less poignant. For example, if our travel plans do not work out later this year for our first anniversary, we have decided to to start a tradition of planting a tree. Honestly, we may do it regardless because we both loved the idea.

I continue to be dedicated to the idea that it is important to make space for the hard feelings: anger, sadness, fear, frustration...and then returning to a positive place of gratitude once those feelings have been acknowledged. For our healthcare system. For our family. For our friends. For the house we can be sharing together. For our pup. For each other...the list really goes on and on.

We are a strong species, friends. We have a pretty good track record to prove it. Let us keep flipping the script so when we hear words like "shelter-at home" we really mean that we are "safe-at-home." I am rooting for us, and I know you are too. And that is how we are going to come out the other side. Once more unto the breach to month four!

Prepare, don't panic.

-Allison